A hidden truth

Posted on Tuesday 1 December 2020 @ 12:06 by Civilian Sansa Draxx-Jones & Lieutenant Commander Hayley Godding

Mission: A Whale of a problem (We're going to need a bigger boat)
Location: Fay's quarters / Hayley's Quarters
Timeline: MD7 2130
2567 words - 5.1 OF Standard Post Measure

ON:

Sansa and Fay were pouring though Hayley service record, trying to find out more about her. Specifically why she had reacted so badly to Sansa allowing Fay to inhabit her body. It had been Fay's suggestion actually. If you know more about her past, you'll be able to understand her better." she thought to Sansa.

Sansa was driving at the moment since she knew the computer systems on the Merlin better than Fay. She answered out loud "I know, I know. It was a good idea and I do want to know Hayley better." Hayley's initial reaction had shocked Sansa. She could understand her not wanting to lose her but there must be something to explain why she reacted so badly. "There must be some..... Oh... Oh No!"

Sansa had stopped and her hand flew to her mouth in shock. Fay had to take over as Sansa was about to faint. Fay now spoke. "It's ok, I've got us now what...." Her voice trailed off as she re-read what Sansa had just found.

After a moment she turned off the screen. "That's it isn't it?" Fay asked aloud. Sansa replied in her head. "It must be. Come on, let's go talk to Hayley about it."

Fay headed to Hayley's quarters. She pressed the chime and waited.

Why did someone always chime at the door when she had just gotten out of the damn shower?! Hayley, wrapped in a towel with wet hair padded across the room and instructed the door to open as she went into the bedroom. "Just a minute!" She called out as she threw some clothes on very quickly, coming back out into the sitting room wearing a t-shirt and jeans, her wet hair she began towel drying as she walked.

"Well, I wasn't expecting a visit..." She said, carefully observing the eyes in Sansa/Fay's eyes to check who she was talking to, to avoid an error. The purple sparkle gave her the answer she was looking for. "...Fay. I know we agreed to work on things, but isn't this a bit abrupt?"

"Wait a moment." Fay suddenly realised that Hayley needed to talk to Sansa. She let Sansa take over. Sansa's natural eye colour and voice returned. "Hey. Can we come in? Please... it's important."

Hayley folded her arms across her chest and looked at Sansa for a moment, before turning and walking back into the seating area. "Alright." She said, as she tossed the towel over the back of one of the dining chairs.

Sansa entered and Sat down on the sofa. She patted the space next to her. She took a deep breath. "So... Fay suggested that I should get to know more about you, and I thought that was a really good idea. You're one of the most important people in my life. " She placed her hand on Hayley's.

She knew the sentiment to be genuine and the electric thrill she felt when Sansa touched her was the same as it always was when they touched. She longed to hold Sansa close at that moment, but the bitterness and resentment kept such weakness at bay - annoyingly. A clash of dualities was once again in effect. She looked carefully at Sansa before she spoke; "So, you're here to get to know me better? I thought I'd been somewhat of an open book, considering how close we'd become until the last mission."

Sansa took another deep breath. "No... I'm here because... I know. And I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Her voice quivered as tears well just below the surface.

She paused before continuing "When I first allowed Fay to share my body, your response really shook me. I didn't realise you'd be that upset, and now I know why. You told me when we were on Risa that you'd been there with someone you cared deeply about. You never told me what happened to her, and to you. Tell me... about her... about Julie..."

Hayley's eyes flared wide and she bolted up from the couch as if she'd been electrocuted. "How... How do you know about Julie?!" She demanded as she backed away, looking a measure of shocked and scared.

Sansa didn't move. she kept her voice calm, as she had been expecting some reaction like this. "It's in the records. That you were together. There are images... that she took of you together. The look on your face when you were with her... The look in your eyes... You loved her... So very much. It says she was lost in the line of duty while on an away mission from the USS Venture."

She stood and took a cautious step towards her, "She was a part of your life, a big part and you lost her. I want to be there for you. Talking about it will help. Please.." she opened her arms, inviting her... "Please let me help. Tell me about her. She was very beautiful. How did you two meet?"

The shock overwhelmed her at how much Sansa knew. Why was so much detail so freely available to just about anyone? Something so intimate was in the public domain? She didn't even feel herself moving to accept the embrace, but the next thing she registered she was in Sansa's arms, somehow a place that felt like she belonged, like it was always the place she was supposed to be. The warmth and affection was cathartic to her wounded soul as the memories resurfaced once again, threatening to wash over her like a Tsunami.

Her voice crackling with heavy emotion, as if fighting the edge of tears, she spoke; "She was a medical officer on the Venture when I was posted thereafter they didn't need me anymore on the USS Clarity. The Venture was a small back-water patrol ship, not much happened there. I'd been a bit of a wild-child on my previous postings but I'd settled down some by the time I got to Venture... that's when I met her." She smiled at the memory, as a tear rolled down her face. "It was similar to meeting you in a way, the way she seemed to be the only light source in the entire room. It really was love at first sight and not that I knew it, but it was the same experience for her too. Somehow, we danced around our feelings for weeks until somehow we just... connected. It was as if two magnets met at opposite poles - we were just drawn to one another. She was a few years older than myself, but I was still her first adult love and despite my somewhat... promiscuous youth.. she was my first adult relationship. I grew up amazingly fast around that woman..."

Despite the circumstance, a small smile played on Sansa' lips. "You know I did growing up fast too." She took another small step towards Hayley, reducing the physical barrier she had put between them. "She sounds wonderful. Tell me more, please?"

Hayley swallowed, remembering the happier times. It was right to talk about these, because in the retelling Julie was remembered. She'd want to be remembered... "Julie was a remarkable woman. She always seemed to find the positive in just about anything, yet was always serious about her work. Despite that, when we were off-duty, she was always with me in that moment. She was passionate, funny, and could make one hell of a casserole." Hayley smiled at the memory. "When we were alone... together... it was like magic, as if the universe were standing still around us. She made me feel safe, warm and loved." She paused for a moment before looking at Sansa carefully. "They say you can tell the difference between sex and making love - you most certainly can, and she showed me that for the first time in my life."

Sansa listened intently to Hayley and somewhere just beneath the surface, Fay was listening too. Sansa took another step. They were so close now, Sansa could have put her arms around her but she didn't want to push her too away by coming on too fast this time, but draw her out slowly. She wanted Hayley to come to her when she felt comfortable.

In a quiet voice, Sansa nudged a little further "And then the away mission... What happened?"

"Wasn't that in your little intelligence briefing?" Hayley asked, suddenly scared to continue, so becoming defensive.

Sansa shook her head. "It just said she was lost in the line of duty."

"How... 'considerate' of Starfleet." She added bitterly. "We were doing a survey of a biologically interesting world, sort of a follow-up mission to an earlier survey tour by a science ship. There had been no identified risks during the original survey so we were sent in with some sciency types to do more detailed investigations. Fairly routine, but because of the unknown factor, each team had a security officer. Julie was the ranking officer so she was the team leader along with myself and a science guy we knew by casual acquaintance. Of course, it was a beautiful planet and I was with a beautiful woman. So once our science guy went off to do what he came along to do, we... you know... 'hung out together'." Hayley said, doing air quotes. "Anyway, we became concerned we hadn't heard from Harry for a while, so I went to go check on him...."

Hayley paused for a moment or two, swallowing hard, trying to catch her breath, by now fully in Sansa's embrace. "...there was a scream, I bolted through the fauna to get back to where Julie was, but by the time I got there..." She let out a little squeak.

"Go on..." Sansa encouraged gently.

"...A plant... a stupid plant..." Hayley sobbed. "I saw Julie's hand slip inside the plant. I wanted to shoot the thing so I could save her, but Harry stopped me, and within seconds, Julie had been..." She stopped, unable to finish. "...I lost her... It was my job to protect her and I failed. I was her security protection and I lost her."

Sansa listened to Hayley pour her heart out. "That's horrible. Oh, My Love..." She held her closer to her in her arms.

Through red-rimmed eyes, she looked at Sansa accusingly. "It was my job to protect you!" She said, sternly, gabbing her finger into Sansa's chest. "My job to keep you safe! How do you think I felt knowing now what you do? Does it give you a... 'clearer perspective' on your messed up girlfriend?" She snapped, breaking away from Sansa and moving across the room. "What's not in that report is what happened to me after Julie's death..."

Sansa followed her and came up behind her. "You're not messed up. You reacted how anyone else would. From what you've said. this all happened so fast, you wouldn't have been able to... " Her voice trailed off. "What happened afterwards?"

"I fell off the wagon, big time." She said, crossing her arms over her chest and keeping her back to Sansa. "I got drunk constantly, slept my way around the ship to the point it was the ships joke that I'd been used more than the ship's transporter. It was considered for the good of the ship that I be transferred off the Venture to the first possible opening and was ordered to seek regular counselling. It took me a very long time and a lot of discipline from my martial arts to put me back together again. Part of my self-repair was to completely close myself off to everyone, never letting anyone get close to me at all, keeping everyone at arms length and maintaining nothing more than a professional relationship. I was therefore safe from being hurt."

She turned to face Sansa, a determined look on her face. "Until I met you. You lit up my life and your light broke through my shield and pierced my heart, moving in and claiming your own space in there for eternity."

"You scared me. You really did. You never stopped to consider the effect your actions would have on others. I know you're a 'jump in feet first' gal, it's what I love about you. But damnit Sansa, I can't lose someone again. I'm not strong enough... if something happened to you... I... I... I..." Words failed as tears streamed down her face.

Sansa wrapped her arms around Hayley again, beginning to understand her better. "I'm not going anywhere, my love." She kissed her before wiping the tears from her face. "From now on I promise I will take your feelings into consideration. Whatever happens, we'll be there for each other. Always. Being with Fay has made me think of you more, her feelings when Tann was taken from her has made me realise that I've hurt you because I didn't even talk to you about a major decision before I went ahead and did it. I won't do it again."

"You'd better not." Hayley said, trying to regain her composure. "Or I'll beat the living hell out of you and you know I can." She laughed. "It's hard enough having to deal with the fact your dad doesn't approve of me, without me having to be scared that if I turn my back for a second - you're off jumping into Quazars to see how far down they go... or something else significantly stupid. You are so lucky that your bond with Fay appears to be totally harmless..." Hayley could recall Tann's feelings for Fay at that moment, a strong surge of positive emotion. She chuckled. "You think Fay is getting a good education on how humans really are emotional messes when it comes to relationships?"

Sansa, who had been crying also nodded and smiled. "You know Dad is warming up to you. He even calls you by your name now and not just 'my girlfriend'. Give him some time. It's Fay he's having a hard time coming to terms with now. He reacted much like you did and I had to go and talk to him. You know, it was Fay's idea to look this stuff up in the first place. She was worried about my relationship with you."

"Do you think Fay would mind if I kept you for a while longer?" Hayley asked, cautiously. "I'm feeling a bit vulnerable at the moment, as much as it pains me to say, and I'd really appreciate just being able to sit with you for a while. Is that okay?" She asked.

Sansa's gaze went internal for a few moments as she conversed with Fay inside her head. After a few moments, she smiled "Fay says it's ok but not too late, she likes us to get plenty of sleep, ok?" Sansa moved back to the sofa and picked up a nearby blanket and patted the space next to her.

Hayley settled back on the sofa with Sansa. A gulf had been bridged between them, allowing them both to cross it and over to the other side. There was still more work to achieve mending broken fences, but for the here and now, they were together. Hayley nestled her head on Sansa's shoulder and just enjoyed the feeling of being together - if only for a brief time.

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