Baggage

Posted on Tuesday 28 December 2021 @ 21:34 by Commander Seklar & Commander Caroline Miller

Mission: First Contact
Location: Counselor's Office
Timeline: Shortly after Seklar coming aboard
1489 words - 3 OF Standard Post Measure

ON:

Next on his list, the ever dreaded counselor's visit. It wasn't something he was looking forward to, if he had to be honest. All these years, he'd had the same counselor, and it was someone he trusted. Could he trust this new counselor? He wondered as he approached the door.

Inwardly, he wondered if Liam would be proud of him for not having the Chief counselor come chase him down for an appointment. PADD in hand, he hesitated briefly, then shiik his head and pressed the chime.

The door opened and the blond lady smiled. “Commander Seklar. Please come in. I’m Caroline Miller.”

She already knew that the Vulcan officer had served with Liam. Her mentor in the program and now ongoing, had been stationed at the same place.

“Can I get you a drink at all?” She asked.

"Black coffee, caffeine free," Seklar answered, offering up his PADD to her. "I felt it prudent to see you first, well after seeing the chief medical officer." He offered the smallest of smiles. "Before I lose the courage to even turn up," he added.

"Black coffee, non caffeinated," Caroline said to the replicator, "and a second cup but with milk."

As the drinks materialised the counselor handed the Vulcan his cup. "Please," she indicted the sofa. "Why would you lose courage to come?" she asked.

"Because now I am in the right mindset," Seklar confessed. "My last marriage is in ruins because it turns out I was never bonded to begin with. The woman who I loved, who I thought I was bonded to and shared a child with...she informed it was all a lie. The bond was an illusion, and all she ever wanted was a child. She disappeared, and informed me not to come find her and our daughter. She did not even have the decency to inform my children, how traumatized do you think they feel?" The anger was audible in his voice, and the cup in his hand shook as he spoke. "She was the chief medical officer, and she did not even consider what this would do to me. To us."

"Very. I am sorry to hear that your family has had to endure that," Caroline said. "And that you were lied to that you bonded. I hope that this experience will not scar you for future relationships. Not every partner behaves in such a cruel manner. It will take time but I hope you will be able to trust again."

"I do not know if I will," Seklar admitted, "learning the truth caused me great pain. And being separated from one's bondmate without prior warning is an extremely traumatic experience. That is what happened when T'Zera had the bond dissolved, without advance warning or indication. She was on Vulcan, and I on my assignment, when that happened. It was cruel, especially with what I endured just to save her from her prospected bondmate. I had to fight for my life, fight her betrothed, and I was nearly killed."

The Vulcan sighed. "As you say, perhaps all I need is time, but for now, my focus is on my duty, and my children."

"I think for the moment that will ground you well and give both your body and mind chance to deal with this," Caroline said. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"I do not know." He paused, giving her a small yet uncomfortable smile. "I do not know you counselor.... Liam Reynolds has been my support and go-to for a very long time. I do need help staying grounded, and retaining focus. I cannot afford to slip, and going back to the way things were some time ago, is something I desperately need to avoid." He nodded towards the PADD he had given her. "You have access to my history," he said, "I do not believe I need to recount what happened, it is all there and I grant you access to it." He knew that access to certain records had to be granted by himself, but he tried to be a person of as little secrets as possible, and did his best to keep the necessary lies to a minimum. Some things he did prefer to keep to himself, but since he needed help, he understood the need to be as transparent as possible.

“Liam Reynolds is my counselling mentor in the Starfleet programme I did to change field from medical to counselling. I want to help you as well as he did,” Caroline said hoping the connection between her and his last counsellor might serve to calm him somewhat.

Seklar nodded in approval. "My main concern, no... my greatest fear, is relapsing. It has happened twice so far, and recent experiences have rekindled some old nightmares I thought I had finally conquered. I have had extensive therapy in the past which had forced me to take extended leave from Starfleet. It is not something I wish to endure gain so I will accept all the help you can and are willing to offer."

"I hope," Caroline said, "That if you feel that your ever getting tempted back to that situation you will come talk to me. The door is always open Commander."

"I certainly will," the Vulcan promised, casting her a grateful nod. "Thank you counselor. Is there anything else you require of me, while I am here?"

"Not at present but I would like to check in, in a couple of weeks. See how you have settled. Perhaps you would trouble yourself for an informal coffee?" she offered not wishing to put too much pressure on him. "And if there is anything I can do to help you settle in. Or the kids please do not hesitate to call on me."

"I would not mind an informal meeting," Seklar agreed. "Do you have children counselor?"

Caroline's hands subconsciously went to her stomach. "I will do in approximately 6 or 7 months," she said. "Have you any advice Commander?"

"Take the time you need," Seklar answered, "do not let anyone tell you how to raise your child, but be willing to accept help when you need it. I learned the hard way that I could not possibly care for a baby, let alone two, on my own. I was too proud to ask for help at first. Nor was I ready for a child but that was circumstance. You will find, once your child is born, your world changes. Everything revolves around your offspring, and wanting to provide a safe home for it."

"It will be a very big change. Luckily with my medic background I'm used to functioning on little sleep," Caroline mused.

"It is not the lack of sleep," Seklar chuckled, "as a Vulcan I can survive on little sleep too. It is the judging of others that might get to you. Especially as a single father...everyone always has advice, always ideas or suggestions but they will not allow you to fail on your own."

"Well you know you can take what works and ignore the rest right?" Caroline said with a small grin. In the back of her mind she was however thinking how lucky she was that she was not alone in this. Even though it might not be his baby, Mathias was standing by both her and her baby.

"Given the age of my children, trust me counselor, I have done exactly that. Though I had excellent help for a while... still..." He paused. "They need a mother, and that is something I cannot provide for them. They have been abandoned twice now, and I am not certain I dare engage in a relationship again... I dare not hurt them like this again."

"Well easy Commander," Caroline said simply. "You haven't met anyone presently have you? You might feel very different if /when that situation happens. And children are very resilient. Im just saying don't rule it out. Yes you hurt now but in time. You may feel very different."

"No, I have not met anyone presently. I have been hurt three times in relatively short notice, and it is time I focus on my children instead of myself. Yes they may be resilient, but they do have feelings, and they deserve better. Especially, after what they have gone through when I was.. otherwise indisposed. My priority should be them, not myself. I will survive, I always have one way or another. But they have no-one else to depend on but me, and it is time they can trust in that. I should be caring for them, not the other way around."

"And you will Commander," Caroline said softly. "I will schedule another meeting in a few weeks. Check in on how your settling in and coping."


OFF/Last tag

●●● Commander Caroline Miller
Chief Counselor
USS Merlin


Commander Seklar
Chief Engineer