Warring feelings

Posted on Friday 22 March 2024 @ 02:04 by Lieutenant JG Zirvell Khen & Commander Caroline Miller

Mission: The Search
Location: Counselor's office
Timeline: A couple of days after return from the nexus
636 words - 1.3 OF Standard Post Measure

Everyone needed some time to feel grounded to the present again. Zirvell was no different even though he had put himself to his studies and buried himself into his work. He really knew no other way to relax and what had happened was weighing heavy on him. He hadn't tried to contact Oakham, but hadn't purposefully avoided him either. Equally, he hadn't really spoken to Anya either.

Hesitantly, he knocked on the chief counselor's door, feeling right now she was probably the only one he could turn to with his conflicting feelings.

Caroline was trying to get used to being a counselor again and not happily married in the nexus. She heard the chime, other staff trying to deal with their own experiences would need her so she pushed her feelings aside ready to speak to Liam about when he was back from his trip home. "Come in," she said.

Zirvell walked, still feeling nervous as he sought eye-contact with the counselor. "I'm not sure where to start," he confessed softly. "Something happened in the nexus and I'm not sure if it was real, or well...not-real." He paused, as if to draw courage. "I had an encounter with Lieutenant Oakham, and as you know him and I... Well mostly him... It's somewhat explosive at best. He hates Cardassians...not me personally, I think but my origins.." another pause. "He kissed me," he finally blurted out, confusion clear on his face. "In the nexus, he said he loves me. Im so confused...i don't know what to make of this.."

"I think the not knowing what was real and what wasn't is something everyone who came back is working through. I'm sorry to say, the only way you can know for sure is if you ask Lieutenant Oakham," Caroline said. "I mean if it did happen and he does love you, you would expect him to be happy to see you."

"One would, if not for his repeat statements of hatred," Zirvell muttered unhappily, "I've tried to be his friend, non-judicial...I know what my people did to his, but I'm only one, and I was raised on a starship. Well, eventually anyway.. but I still am not my people." The Cardassian rambled on, not even aware he was doing it. "And what if it wasn't real? I don't even know how I feel...I don't know if I love him. I like him... and I see a troubled and lonely officer that I'd want to help. But love?" He shook his head in denial. "I'll make an idiot of myself if it were just a dream."

"Love is always a leap of faith," Caroline said simply. "Maybe you could just ask him what he remembers from the Nexus and gauge his reaction? If he opens conversation up further you might get your answer?"

"I've never really been in love beyond a teenage crush that really only my father knew about. I haven't had time to explore my feelings for anyone while at the academy because I had to work twice as hard to prove myself." He paused. "What if he doesn't open up?"

"Then I'm afraid you will have to respect his feelings. You cannot force someone to talk. However I find that if someone does have feelings for you they come out eventually. Love is a powerful force. You cannot always contain it," Caroline said simply.

"I wouldn't know," Zirvell confessed, "and I'm afraid to explore it now. As I said I don't know what I feel. If anything I'd rather be his friend than a rejected lover. He seems as lonely as I feel."

“Then work on a friendship,” Caroline agreed.

The Cardassian nodded slowly. "Fingers crossed?" He said softly as he started for the door. "Thank you for your time counselor..."

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