A Plea For Help

Posted on Thursday 26 November 2020 @ 13:47 by Commander Caroline Miller & Lieutenant Commander Hayley Godding

Mission: A Whale of a problem (We're going to need a bigger boat)
Location: Holodeck
Timeline: MD6 2100
2092 words - 4.2 OF Standard Post Measure

Last time on Star Trek Merlin...

Feeling the words permeate through her body like arrows she let her arm drop to her side and she slumped down the wall and onto the floor as the last vestiges of strength leaked out of her. Of course she still loved Sansa! How could she not?! So much was going on inside of her right now and she could barely contain it. She wanted to rage against the universe but found herself impotent to the events going on around her. She was enraged that Sansa had chosen to do this without talking to her about it first. She was hurt that she now had to share Sansa with another, that all their memories together were now open consumption for some alien being to learn about humanity. She was scared, truly scared, that she was going to loose Sansa like she'd lost her first true love.

Barely able to move, yet determined to do so, Hayley tapped her comm-badge. "Godding to Miller. Counsellor, if you could find the time, I could really use your help right about now..."

---

Caroline knew this call was going to be coming. She hadn't imagined it would be so fast. Luckily she was out of her bath and dressed so could move quickly. She had thought Hayley was still helping in the effort of relocating the Darwin crew and wasn't likely back yet but clearly they had moved faster than she had imagined.

"Meet me on holodeck 3 Lieutenant," she replied back.

The blonde got there first and replicated a earth country music bar. She didn't know if the security chief was country music inclined but she did know that that woman most likely needed a drink right now.

"If your still on duty, I'm relieving you for this evening," she stated when Hayley walked in and pushed the glass of neat whisky forward. "You need this."

"Thanks..." Hayley said, plopping down on the stool next to Caroline. "The Captain allowed me to take a few days off to clear my head after I broke down in tears in her Ready Room..." She sighed and necked the whiskey in one go. "Ahhh... I needed that..." She said. "Interesting therapy technique..."

"I have plenty," she said simply. "But seriously, you just what? mind melded with an alien in the etheria and your girlfriends now sharing her body with one of the aliens there. If it was me, I would be needing that to take the edge off. I don't need to be a counsellor to know your dealing with some pretty big stuff right now."

"It's a lot to take in, for sure." Hayley said, pouring herself another whiskey, safe in the knowledge it was synthahol so had zero alcoholic properties. It was the thought that counted, right? "I don't know how to act around her... she's neither fully Sansa nor fully this Fay creature either... and my emotions are everywhere... my love for Sansa... a love for Fay that isn't my own... feelings of betrayal, hurt and fear added to my strong desire to just hold her in my arms... I think I'm going crazy!"

Caroline nodded. "Well your not going crazy and yes you have a lot whirling round at the minute.

I would say you need to speak to her .... well both of them about that in my view. I think that they will be experiencing the same. I also think you also need to come to a decision you and Sansa on where your relationship stands right now. If the fay aspect ... if you can't move past it while she's here maybe you need a break and could pick up again when she's left? This is a temporary arrangement," she suggested.

"If you don't want that your going to have to work on forgiving her, letting go of that anger and finding a way to make it work while she is here," Caroline said. "But you need to take some time before all that to get this all processed. As I think your a little in shock."

Hayley sighed a deep sigh. "I don't know what I want to do, Counsellor, I really don't." She said, pouring another drink. "I know why she did it, but it hurts me so much that she didn't even stop to consider my views on all this, just expecting me to just accept what she did and go along with it... I get that it's her body, I know that, I'm not so selfish... but it pains me so much... what happens if something goes wrong? What if Fay can't be removed? What if Sansa's personality is completely destroyed? What about after-effects? I've got stuff going on up here that I would've needed to see you about regardless of what Sansa did! What if I loose Sansa completely...?" She got very quiet and looked down into her drink, gentle tears rolling down her cheeks. "I don't think I'm strong enough to go through that again..."

Caroline knew it was something deeper. "Why do you think you will lose her? That's just fear talking. Just because you lost one person does not mean your destined to lose more people. You can't think like that Hayley."

Hayley looked over at her. "Isn't that what defines humanity? Learning from our past experiences?" She replied. "I know what happened last time did to me, and yes, I'm scared, terrified, horrified to go back through that again as much as I am for fear of losing someone I care so deeply for that I'd throw myself into a black-hole if it meant she was safe and happy..."

"Many things define humanity Hayley," Caroline said softly. "And learning from the past is just one thing. Look no ones throwing themselves in any black holes. Sansa is still in there. And most likely just as frightened she's going to lose you. Okay yes did she make perhaps a rash decision? Of course but she's young. And more young in the sense of her life experience is a lot different. She's missed out of chunks of living that we haven't. A proper childhood, teenage years.

Well actually no I'm not going to make excuses for her. She chose to do this but lets be honest we have all rushed in and made rash choices," Caroline added. "Can you forgive that? Its not just fear you have going on. Your angry. Your angry that in the heat of the moment she committed to this and you got no say. And I get it. What's happened impacts you too. You should have been able to say your thoughts and feelings before the decision was taken. You can't rewind it. Its happened. You can only chose a path to move forward now. If you want to forgive her you need to negate that anger somehow. Lets explore that.

Do you want to forgive her?"

Hayley didn't answer straight away, although her inclination was to scream 'No!' as loud as she could, did she want to? Truthfully, she genuinely missed Sansa and didn't realise quite how painful the isolation she was causing herself really was. The reality was that she had done something incredibly impulsive and insensitive, but that was who she was to a small degree.

"I do." Hayley said, after reflection. "I want to forgive."

Caroline nodded. She already knew the answer. She had to make Hayley confront it. "You need to get the anger out or at least pacified before you try. Go to her like this, how you are now and you do run the risk of loosing her."

She let that sink in and locked eyes with her. "How do you get your excess energy out? You know some people work out, some people punch things, I myself swim laps and if Im really angry programme a paso doble in the holodec .. no dancing doctor jokes," she warned her. "But I can get into character and try stomp it out. You need something now to open that vent and get ... I won't say all of it as I don't think right now you could but a good chunk of it out before you go and talk to Sansa again."

Hayley nodded thoughtfully. It wasn't exactly like the advice was unexpected - it had been similar advice she'd gotten after Julia when she'd gotten emotional then too. How amusing, she thought, that the holodeck was considered a theraputic tool rather than merely a device for relaxation. Either way, she knew she needed to get past this emotional plurality she was feeling. Maybe she could run some holodeck drills by herself? She always found shooting things quite cathargic after all... "Perhaps I will, Caroline." Hayley said. "Its certainly better than how things are now..."

"Well I don't think it can get much worse. Let it settle for a couple of days. Go work some of the anger out of your system and then go talk to her again. You already know you want to forgive her. That's easier when your not as angry," she stated simply. "Im not sure at present I can suggest anything further except take that time. I can release you for a few days if that helps. In fact I think would help enormously."

"The Captain has already given me three days. Given we're en-route to Earth and will likely be there a while whilst the Admiralty fawn all over Fay, I imagine there will be plenty of downtime." Hayley said, taking another sip of her whiskey, trying to keep the bitterness out of her tone when discussing Fay. "You know, Sansa and I talked about what we'd do if we were ever at Earth - all the plans we had if I had R&R. Somehow I doubt it'd be quite as romantic as a group outing... me, Sansa, Fay, a battalion of security personnel..."

"Probably not but you more than anyone understand why it has to be that way," Caroline said. "And it won't be the only time you get to have R&R on Earth. Its just a little hiccup before getting it."

"I'll just take the time to regroup myself. Sansa/Fay will be far too busy anyway. Maybe I'll go back home for a few days..." Hayley said. "Nothing like ramping up the stress levels by going home to your family." She smirked and finished her whiskey.

Caroline gave her a small smile. "I'm planning the same. Although you never know it might be just what you need right now.

Hey at least you don't have to navigate with your whole family your great great great grandad wasn't who you thought they were and as fate has it I've found the actual guy whose not aged and was stuck in the etheria for a long time. I'm bringing him back at his request to reunite them. Imagine how that ones going to go down," she muttered.

"No, just my maternal grandfather who turns out to be a womanizing pig." Hayley chuckled. "I suppose I do need to attend to the fact that I have to take Commander Springfield home to meet his family."

"That in itself might be enough to take your mind of things," Caroline observed. "Family can be difficult for all."

"Keeps you in business though, right?" Hayley smirked, teasing Caroline.

"Among other things," the blond quipped.

Hayley smiled. "Well, its been very helpful, Caroline." She said. "But I think I'm going to call it a night, try and relax if I can. I appreciate your time, and the fake drink." She held up the glass smirking. "Makes me miss the real stuff, but not going back down that rabbit hole again..."

Caroline cocked an eyebrow hoping that last comment wasn't something to be concerned about. "Enjoy your time on earth and try not to stress about Sansa. Also don't do anything stupid. I know what its like to be stuck in your head upset. You feel like your going to do something daft you call me," she insisted.

"If I had to call you any time I felt like I was going to do something daft, you'd find it a better use of resource to just follow me around all day." Hayley laughed. "But I appreciate the sentiment. Don't worry, I plan on sticking this out so I can make Sansa suffer for this later... Catch ya later!" She called out, moving to the exit.

"Bye Hayley," Caroline called after her.

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