Cake Fixes Everything

Posted on Monday 29 November 2021 @ 08:03 by Lieutenant Nir’anyar & Commander Caroline Miller

Mission: First Contact
Location: Turbolift
Timeline: From the point Anya left the bridge
828 words - 1.7 OF Standard Post Measure

ON:

"Anya ...." Caroline's voice rang out from behind her. "Wait up."

"That was terrible... I undermined myself with the crew and the Captain!"
She was close to tears and just wanted to once again find somewhere to hide where no one would bother her. She knew this was not going to happen now that Caroline was in the turbolift with her.

"It was your first go in the chair. You didn't do terribly at all," she told her. "It just takes confidence."

"Confidence, ability, training, and common sense... I seem to be lacking in all of the above right now..." she couldn't look at Caroline for fear that the tears would once again start. Instead, she focused her attention on the wall of the turbolift compartment. "Maybe I should never have come back to Starfleet after the... "

Her words trailed off, unsure if Caroline was fully up to speed with what the Doctor had been through and knowing that she should have been seeing a Counsellor for it up until this point. Instead, she had somehow managed to slip under the radar and be able to focus on her work and plow on ahead with ignoring it all.

"No, just no," Caroline said firmly. "You're too damn good of a doctor to do that and Command, it just takes practice, Anya. Do not do that. I'm not going to let you doubt your career and your calling. You have helped and will continue to help so many people. One not-so-great experience in the big chair does not cancel out how wonderful a physician you are. Do you hear me?"

"Actions speak louder than words and in the Captain's eyes, my actions are one failure after another... I nearly killed a planetary population, I nearly destroyed the ship just now and I did nothing but watch as my ship and crew before Merlin were all killed... I sat back and watched for years as the enslaved died around me in those Reman mines and I did nothing I just allowed it to happen!"

Anya's voice was rising, her anger at herself getting the better of her, the tears stinging the corners of her eyes as the years of anguish, of hurt and failure welled up like a volcanic eruption of her own mirrored only by the eruption she had caused.

"Computer halt turbolift!"

The Benzite cried, feeling her control dissolve as if like sand slipping through her fingers as it all came out, a torrent of emotion, of self-loathing and anger that was only directed at herself. She couldn't look at Caroline but she had no escape. She turned and placed both of her hands on the turbolift wall, the tears freely falling as she gulped in air, trying to force herself from hyperventilating.

"Anya get it all out because right now you're operating on fear and disbelief in your abilities. Come here," she said pulling her into a hug.

"You didn't nearly destroy the ship just now. Trust me if there had been a sniff of that happening I would have stepped in," she said softly. "And how were you to know anything that you did on that planet would kick start a volcano? And the Reman mines. Oh, the darkness of that place. Everyone is terrified. Beat down. You can't blame yourself. What could you have done to fight back? It would have taken years to network and get together any useful items to even try to break those chains. You have got to stop blaming yourself and see how much of a survivor you are and all the good that you have managed."

"But why did I survive and no one else did!" her voice was pleading. She needed to know the answer but had been too afraid to ask and this was the bottle uncorked. Anya returned the hug, squeezing her friend so tight it was almost a vice-like grip and the sobs had started to wrack her body.

"I don't know," Caroline said honestly. "Maybe there's some grand plan or you just got lucky. The fact is you survived Anya and you have skills that mean you can make a huge difference here and now. You couldn't then."

"I can't go back to sickbay... not like this!" she managed between sobs, the tear still falling. "I'm not sure what to do Caroline!"

"Obviously not but we can fix all that. First up we need to get you some tissues and then in my professional capacity I suggest ice cream or cake," the blond told her. "Come on let's get you cleaned up, cake helps everything and then you're going to feel calmer and we can talk further."

"Not red velvet...", she whimpered. "It disagrees with me!"

END

●●● Commander Caroline Miller
Chief Counselor
USS Merlin


●● Lieutenant Nir’anyar
Chief Medical Officer
USS Merlin