Command and Insecure

Posted on Friday 10 February 2023 @ 17:40 by Captain Melody Jones & Civilian Jacob Carson & Lieutenant Nir’anyar

Mission: Where no one has gone before
Location: Observation lounge
Timeline: MD 1 2000
1583 words - 3.2 OF Standard Post Measure

ON

The pair watched both Seklar and Mathias leave the briefing room before Anya turned back to Melody, this could simply be her own insecurities playing a part but it also worried her given a number of the other senior officers had far more experience and their rank was above her own rank. The question was, how should she approach it with the Captain? She felt she and Melody had started to develop a friendship of sorts... even if it was distant at times mostly due to rank and position again.
"Captain I find I am struggling with my position as second officer... I wanted to discuss with you how I fit into the chain of command. You have Commanders Seklar and Miller, both with far more experience than I and the rank to match... Why did you select me and how am I supposed to give them orders, would I even need to?"

Melody indicated to a chair and sat in the one next to it. "Anya... Leadership grows from self-confidence which is also part of a Starfleet officer's education and Sooner or later you're going to feel the burden of command. There might come a time when you're in Command of the bridge and the ultimate decision is yours. In that instance, they're your crew. You don't have to prove a thing. You've got the authority."
She thought for a moment. "Could this possibly have something to do with ego rather than experience? Remember, authority and responsibility go hand in hand. I know you're responsible, now you have to learn to handle authority. You've been put in command so you can make a few right decisions. That will establish a pattern of success and build your self-confidence. That's why I said this was about ego. If you don't trust your own judgment, you don't belong in the command chair. But I think you do."

"I don't feel it is ego sir... I'm not one to admit to how I feel usually but giving the orders to someone of more experience or higher rank just worries me. They have earned those ranks over time. How can I expect them to take heed of me?"
Her voice was cracking, a nervous reaction to what even she could recognise as jitters. She was being faced by something that she had never experienced before and she was allowing her own insecurities to lead her.

Melody smiled. "Don't worry Lieutenant. These people are professionals. If you're in command and you give the order to jump, it's their job to ask how high, ok?"

"Yes sir!" she said but in truth, she didn't feel the confidence in her response that she gave. "I won't keep you any longer sir, thank you! I have some research I need to complete before we launch!"

She gathered up her PADD, tucking it into the pocket of her teal lab coat, following Melody from the briefing room but diverting into the nearest turbo lift. Once the doors had closed she slumped onto the wall "Ships Library" she called to the computer. Despite the Captain's support she still felt like the old Human saying, a fish out of water, which both in the metaphorical sense and the physical sense she was.

Within moments the turbolift ceased its descent into the ship, the doors parted and she pushed away from the wall and started along the corridor the short distance until she moved into the ship's Library. It was a small room, with several access terminals and what appeared to be a Human of approximately two hundred years old, or so he appeared, sitting at the reception desk.
"I won't be long!" she said, crossing to the nearest terminal and dropping down into the chair with a heavy sigh.

"Oh dear, someone sounds troubled." A man behind the desk said and looked up. "Ahh, you must be Lieutenant Nir'anya. Welcome. I don't believe I've seen you in here before." The man stood and came around the desk towards her. He was not in uniform but wearing an old-fashioned style suit with a matching waistcoat along with a shirt and tie. He held out his hand. "I'm Mr Carson, the librarian. I was just about to enjoy a pot of tea and some sandwiches, would you care to join me?"

"Tea would be nice thank you!" she said politely just wanting to complete her research and go. "And please do call me Anya!"

"Please, come with me." He indicated her to follow her to a door at the other end of the small room which opened onto a much larger room with ornate wood carvings on the wall. Rows and rows of bookshelves stretched away from them with some tables and ornate display cabinets down the centre.

Anya had followed, slipping her hands into her lab coat, still feeling a little defeated but this dropped away when she caught sight of the library.
"How did I not know this was here!" her eyes going wide at the sight.

Carson chuckled "I know everything can be stored on the computer these days but nothing really beats the smell and feel of books. There's a power in them, almost a magic." he added as he led her to a table that had a silver tray on laden with an ornate tea service and a plate piled high of sandwiches "I had hoped for some company, I do dislike eating alone."

She dropped down into a chair, her eyes still trying to take in the full sight before her. The library extending up a full two decks and at least the size of cargobay one only three times over. She had to admit, she could feel the magic he spoke of, could smell the books. It was captivating!

Carson poured her a cup of tea and placed it in front of her before passing her a smaller plate. "Please help yourself to the sandwiches," he said as he poured his own tea. "Now, you have the air of someone who has a lot weighing on their shoulders. Is it something you'd like to talk about?"

She didn't want to talk about it but something about him seemed to be coaxing it from her without her even realising she had started to talk.
"I'm struggling with my position as the ship's second officer. I'm inexperienced compared to some of the other command officers yet the Captain has seen fit to give me this position. I'm struggling with the fundamental fact that I could at times be required to give orders to more experienced officers and I find this is making me lose confidence in myself!"

Jacob thought for a moment. "Confidence in oneself is not something that can be given by someone else. It is something that you find within yourself with the help of others, and maybe you find you've got more than you realised although, the path to attain it is not always an easy one. You know I've known the Captain for a long time now, I believe we met when she was at the Academy. oh, I can tell you some stories about her." he added with a twinkle in his eye. She obviously believes in you and I know the crew like you. I think in your position, if you're unsure about giving a command you have to ask yourself one thing. What would The Captain do?"

Anya was staring at the steam rising gently from the teacup in her hands, feeling the warmth through the china in her hands. In many ways, it was a reflection of what the Librarian was saying. A wisp of smoke rises in the moment, it is coherent for a short time before it evaporates into nothing. Being in command in many ways was similar. In a command moment, she would be the visible and coherent centre that only needed to last but a moment.
"She would do what was needed at the time without flinching!"

Jacob smiled "Quite right. And when the Captain has made her decision, does anyone question it?"

"No... Do you work for Commander Miller by any chance?"
Her tone verged on playful as her lips started to curl into the start of a smile.

Jacob chuckled. "Right again. No one would dare question the Captain once she's made her decision, and do you know why that is?

"She's the Captain!" was the only thing that came to Anya's mind. Perhaps this was one of those abstract concepts that she still seemed to have difficulty in grasping.

Jacob smiled "When you figure that out, you'll be one step closer to understanding command." He finished off his tea and sandwich. "Thank you for your company but I really must be getting back to work. These books won't organise themselves you know." He smiled wistfully "Might be nice if they did."

"Thank you... and for the tea!" She followed his lead, and stood to leave, taking one last look around at the expansive cathedral like room that she was still amazed existed on the Merlin. Granted she was a big enough ship to contain it but to actually witness it was something one would need to see to believe.

OFF:

●●●● Captain Melody Jones
Commanding Officer
USS Merlin


●● Lieutenant Nir’anyar
Chief Medical Officer
USS Merlin

Jacob Carson
Ship's Librarian
USS Merlin
NPC Jones